A Beer Primer, Brewery to Baths
Nestled in the suburbs of Plzen, I am not even sure how to describe this four star hotel so instead I will list what it has.
There is none as it is all computerized-the beer-water stops, the clock on the wall shows you how many minutes you have left to soak and to......
In Czech, beer is king. It is the breakfast of champions, the lunchtime
liquid, the afternoon aperitif, the dinner drink and evening bar crawl beverage. There is dark and light and everything in between. You can order normal, at 10% alcohol, or 11 or 12 for a faster buzz. It can be smooth or bitter, yellow, brown or red. It goes with dumplings, and pork knee, and pickled sausages 
and apple strudel. It fills you up and always makes you need the WC.
And so, although we are not beer aficionados, and I am not even a beer fan, we picked Plzen, CZ as the first stop on our 15 day road trip through Eastern Europe (or Central Europe to those who live there according to a Czech acquaintance). It was close to Prague so even if we got lost, the day would not be lost.
The morning's challenges would be getting to the rental car place in town by metro, finding our way back to the apartment in our Skoda, the largest produced Czech car,
and navigating out of Prague where directions are challenging since the street names 1) change every few blocks even when you are just going straight, 2) all look and sound alike to us and 3) it is impossible to have enough time to find the sign on the building, read the name, remember the name, compare it to the printed directions and....ooops missed the turn. Or worse yet made the turn on time but it was the wrong street.
I must report that other than a tiny mess up right at the rental pick up, based solely on the fact that the car was actually located on a street around the corner and was one way the wrong way, we made it to Plzen without much issue (Steve may have seen it otherwise).
A quick education on Pilsner beer. It was born in 1842, in Plzen, quite by accident. Over two hundred small brewers in this, even then, beer loving city, decided to get together and brew cooperatively. They used a unique process that included three mashes (most of you eonophiles will have to google that), a special copper 'kettle' which still is at the brewery and a name that represented their town, Pilsen. Too bad they forgot to patent the process or trademark the name, so naturally as everyone began to copy their pilsner, or lager, style beer, and they copied the name also. Lesson one- they made good beer. Lesson two- they made bad businessmen, at first.
Eventually they settled on a unique name, Pilsner Urquell, got the name trademarked and went on to conquer 48% of the Czech market and as Steve tells it, has also become a very hip 'newer' beer at home lately.
The brewery tour was somewhere in between the Heineken tour of the 70's when it went through the entire original brewery and the Heinenken tour of the 90's when it was Disneyfied. We saw the bottling in action (Steve's personal highlight as you can imagine), the original beautiful copper and tile vats no longer used, the new stainless brewing house and the Hall of Fame. The tour of the brewery was good, our guide's English perfect and in the heat of the day, the cellars at 46F fantastic. 
While down under we got to taste the young unfiltered beer straight from the barrel tap. Probably the most impressive was the magnificent old original entry gate and how wonderfully they have integrated the old buildings and new technology.
Keeping the beer theme of the day, we headed (again without incident but with some hesitation and much discussion) to our hotel for the night, the Purkmistr Beer Hotel and Spa.
A hotel with over 32 rooms & suites
A conference center
A restaurant
A beer garden
A brewery with tours
A three lane, 24 person bowling alley
A kiddie playground
And a beer spa
Four stars and the pix online of the rooms promised new and clean, not fancy. But when on the road, that and a modern bathroom with a shower, not tub, are our requirements and so for our 69 Euro, we were in. And it turned out perfect.
Upon arrival, we checked in and immediately hit the beer garden, though the first threat of rain in five weeks could be seen and felt. 
We ordered flights of Purkmistr and out on the wooden tray came six .1 liter tastes of lager (pilsner style) wheat beer (really different than a Blue Moon) dark beer (not at all strong with more of a coffee undertone), another sweeter almost lemony lager, something else I cannot recall and a red sherry beer that was interesting. Six large tastes...served in style...sitting in a cobblestone courtyard....listening to at least four languages at other tables....arrived at easily......a total of $4.50 USD/ 90 CZK for each flight, no wonder the Czechs drink so much beer, a bottle of Pellegrino costs the same!
Stopping at the spa desk to the to arrange for a couple of quick massages, at the exchange rate a 30 minute back and neck massage was $13.00, add beer oil for an additional $5 or be luxurious for 90 a minute full body massage for $40 ( all USD ). But we were disappointed there were no slots left. When would we again have the chance to do a beer spa? What could we get?
Luck for us, there was time to take in a DOUBLE BEER BATH WITH RELAX! We had seen a couple of photos and it looked nice, we had no idea what a relax was but we were about to find out. We arrived at our proscribed time and were handed a towel and a sheet, both top quality. We were given 'watches' to put on, each had a different number, mine 39, Steve's 15 and sent to our respective locker rooms to undress and meet in the hall.
I quickly figured out what the 'watch' was for but Steve not quite so much and in the interest of not making too much fun of what is usually the smarter half of us, I will let him tell his side.
********This is Steve...the 'watch' like device is like a wafer thin Swatch watch, with a number printed on the 'dial' area...I assumed this was to identify that I was there for the beer bath, etc....in the locker area, I went the first open locker I saw, quickly disrobed, and stashed my items, and closed the locker......only then did I notice that the door had a very pretty, stylized #18 painted on it - Aha! Said I - put my new watch next to the door handle-lock area- and watched in dismay as it made noise, but failed to open the now securely locked locker, with all my things inside...and then I noticed that my watch had a #15 on it....where I should have put everything....As I stood there naked, locked out, surrounded by strange looking things, and people, and strange languages I cannot speak....the adventure of international travel.******
First, this spa was brand new and beautiful. The locker room slick (obvious from the locker technology), the showers gorgeous, the amenities just like a five star spa at home. We were shown to our beer bath, which as it turns out is exactly as it sounds.
A very large beautiful wooden long tub for two, filled with beer and hops and hot water ready for your 20 minute soak. You hop in while the beer-water is running, quite quickly filling the tub, but where is the shut off?
Drink as much beer as you want from the keg next to the tub with the two frosty mugs lined up and the tap at your ready!!!!
If you like beer, you are in heaven. If you like to have unique adventures, you are in heaven. If you like to laugh or relax or be reminded of why journeys are worth retiring for, you are in heaven. I can claim two of the three, Steve maybe two and a half, so you know where we were last night, nirvana since there is no heaven.
Twenty minutes up and off to Relax. A quiet room with ergonomic wicker chaises covered in folded soft blankets, wrapped in smooth sheets, covered in a soft blanket, waterfall walls, chirping birds and gentle new-age music. 
No other clients, close your eyes, relax, meditate if you can. It is gently raining outside but here it is warm and cosy and totally relaxing and the time is up before you know it. Warm shower and dinner outside. Steve has already had seven or eight beers today so is kind of full and the heat always makes me less hungry so we have a light bite, I manage to snag a 10am slot for a massage the next day, and off to bed in the Purkmistr hoping all our days on the road are this much fun.
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