July 31

Taking the Waters in Marianske Lazne

There are three 'famous' spa towns in Czech, the most popular Karlovy Vary, but we choose to spend a couple days in the smaller spa kingdom of Marianske Lazne, or better known in German as Marienbad.

Before we got on the road for the spa, we decided to head into Plzen town to visit the reputedly second largest in Europe and third largest in the world synagogue.

It was impressive and big but we are not sold on the claims, it didn't seem much bigger than synagogues at home.

But we also got in a little walk around the town square and saw interesting fountains and some wonderful sgrafito on buildings. 

Perhaps the funniest moment on the square was hearing a group of Czech children singing Heads Shoulders Knees and Toes in English, as a way to start learning the names of body parts. We were tempted to join in.

In about an hour, we arrived at the Falkensteiner Spa right on time and checked into a beautiful room in a lovely hotel not really knowing what to expect in a Czech spa on the German border. The Falkensteiner only offers their rooms with half board, something we would NEVER consider for a vacation but after being on the road so long, we figured, two nights not to think about where to eat, might be ok......might.

Our room was the deluxe double, something we aren't really treating ourselves to too much on this trip. It was huge, a four poster bed, great linens and a gigantic marble bathroom with spa amenities.

 CZECH BED MAKING

 A Bit Different, no?

We decided to change and get to the pool for a bit of relaxing in the late afternoon. Lucky for me, I had managed to pick up yet another Czech bathing suit on sale at Tesco for a whopping $5.00 that not only fit, but looked pretty good.

I had a tour of the spa facilities which included not only indoor and outdoor swimming pools, massage rooms, facial rooms, saunas and steams but also rooms where they shoot CO2 up you to clear up colon issues and all sorts of other injections.

Right about now you, and I, might be asking, what kind of spa is this? Turns out it is a true wellness/medical spa where people come for two or three or four weeks a year to 'take the waters' and not only sit and soak and drink the local mineral springs but have all sorts of other unique treatments. Needless to say Steve and I were having none of that!

The stay here was a bit bizarre. First, the entire hotel caters to Germans. Not 50%, not 75% but more like 95% of the guests are German. The staff is bilingual but that means German and Czech, not English. It took us a bit of time to figure out everything and some things were a surprise. Like the saunas and steams and relaxation areas are all coed and no clothing-not clothing optional, just nude, everyone, all the time.  Now before you (boy) think, hmmmm that's great and you(girl) think, no way, try to picture 50% of the nude people walking around are German men, thin to thick but all over 70 years old and 40% of the nude people walking around are thin to fat German women, 5% are kids and the other 5%  are Steve and I! Not as enticing as it first sounded, eh? But again, when in Rome......

When not nude, we all wore cushy terry robes and slippers all day and carried a very cute wicker basket with our towels, books, sun lotion etc. In between the swimming and sauna we fit in our treatments from a typical massage to mud and cleopatra packs.

Steve did the mud pack for his first treatment and wasn't he surprised when the stout Czech girl came into the room and in her limited but appreciated English told him to strip and lie on the table. She then proceeded to slather him with hot mud rubbing it ALL over, front and back. Once massaged in a bit, he was wrapped in a sheet and then a heavy vinyl cover somewhat like an X-ray shield and slowly lowered into a 97 degree water bath for 20 minutes. Luckily when it was done, not only did his skin feel great but he was allowed to shower himself off. 

We took in the special highly prized Alexandra Springs waters touted to fix and heal, not by soaking in a beautiful outdoor natural spring like our favorite, Ojo Calienta in New Mexico, but rather in a hospital like, large, white bathtub in a treatment room and the water resembled, well, pretty much the color of dark urine. But with that and the magic ampules and the sensational eye treatment we must look ten years younger, or maybe just compared to all those old naked Germans. 

So hotel beautiful, spa lovely, treatments good, even nudity ok but the German version of Czech food, not so good. But hey, it's a spa, you are supposed to lose weight. 

In the town, which resembles a Czech baroque version of Victorian, gingerbready Cape May, we window-shopped and strolled along a hundred year old arcade, and admired the many other older spa hotels.

      

After the requisite 'spa town' cookie, we returned to the hotel, wondering what the hell we were doing here, but enjoying the 'slow travel' days this kind of journey entails.